Log in

No account? Create an account
Meesheel Reezeel's Trollop Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "joec_mishy" journal:

[<< Previous 10 entries]

May 31st, 2005
11:06 pm


ahahaha... wig wayum.

Wow, I'm a newbie at this stuff O_O --For reasons unexplained and the possible use of substances,
I drew a series of Beatle doods that make anything but sense.

BeatleDoodsCollapse )

And solely for your enjoyment, Kelc...

I just hit the keyboard with the tips of my fingers & spelled leg. ...I’m a loser.
What is this?! This is not nuclear warfare, this is nuclear disco!
Want a beer?
No thanks- sober!
Yeah tell that to Jungle Jim. -_-
Um... you’re number 666!
Is that a sign, Jesus?
Oh, I punched Caydi.
SO WHAT he's married a bond girl.
Wait till he gets his paws on CANADIAN MEAT!
...more like wait till Canadian meat gets a hand on him & a bottle of Rohypnol!
Are you saying...there are pubic hairs in the keyboards at your school?
Oh my God...
Alright I thought I was in control here.
I thought with my life, I was behind the wheel.
And then he'd pull something like this.
Sheldon- why no one cent candy?
It's spiraling out of control from here.... from herrrrre....
I'm hitting the bottle. -_-
This is the end, the line, the dead end... no 1 cent.
Yeah Sheldon... it’s all his fault.
This song... is trash on earth. I hate it, but can’t leave it alone... like a scab.
"Elevator, I won't let you put me down to the ground anymore, just because I'm a cross dresser. With that said, I shall be taking the stairs. Good day sir."
House of wax. More mic cameos than a Run DMC video.
Who is she chatting with? Oh she’s talking to a mass murderer,
isn’t that exciting? Burytheknife! ;)
I needed something elaborate, so I got a henna tattoo down town!
Hahaha! ...WAIT... you got it on your crotch?!
...Let me through.
You will NEVER guess what I did.
Uuuum hit on an 8 year old? Rode a giraffe. Kissed a GIRL?!
...drank pee. Streaked?!
...bought sneakers with velcro straps X_X
I want a fancy Mr. Potato.
One with hair and all... and accessories stored in his asso.
What?! But there was- there was an ass flap, where he kept eyes & sunglasses & shit you could pull out.
What?! Then... you sealed it, you sick, cruel son of a bitch!
"What do I get myself into?"
"My pants. Or me out of them, in this case!"
"She needs to pull down her dress, oh my God, Oh my GOD..."


Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: Beatles- Norwegian Wood

(11 comments | Leave a comment)

April 28th, 2005
08:28 pm



This is my shitter- or just a log of shit-

To the tributtal of Michael and Birette!

Prozzak... you sucked. (And still contiue to do so__)
(I'm so bold [teen][/teen] )

A few "aliases" some might know us by...
(I'm the green, he's the red- purple=duo)

Rancid & Putrid
Clem Squared (Clem & Clem)
Art & Gerard
Starskey & Hutch
Mirianna Kessle Kelp & Eugenio Dullard
Zoska & Zosko

Smapson & Hoochak

John & Yoko
Ralphine & Maxie
Tiffany & The Perv

Sexual Chocolate (…8 years later…) …Linus? And… that guy.
Ralph-kak-Barbeque-Caveman & Fudgefass-aka-Gooshie
Admiral Meesheel John Jon Tooty Smith Lennon Reezeel Foggerty… & Ugums.
George & It

ShimmyJackShittySack & Tiffany

Fulfuee & Skuzzlebutt
Gandalf & Elrond
Jut & Walsh
Ernest & Ernestine
Harry Butt & Salmonella
Mario & Luigi
Kissyfur & Pissyfur
CC Copy Cat & CC Crappy Cat

Bucket Boy & Bucket Girl

Lancine & the Bad, Bad Horsie
Statler & Waldorf

Earline Shat & Art Payun
Professor Crazy Hair & Mr. High Pants

Uncle Bernie & Folklore
Fat Kyds
The Skulls

Walter & Perry
Mr. Rogers & ...that kid
Yimmy & Manga

Tiff & Scabs
Mozza & Cheddar
Perky blonde in beanie & "I think there's a man with leoprosy behind me..."
Paw Paw & Paw Paw Paw
"They say the good ones die young" &
Race Car & Komodo
I'm just happy doin' the neutron dance &
I'm just burnin' doin' the neutron dance

One or the other & The Kammul
Shrimp & Tiff

Ture & Trawe

Bag Boy & Junk
"Bill... please"
Rhinestone Cowboys

Mr Dick & Nanny Lingingston
Les hot dog & Les hot dog
Touch of Jesus & Bear
Ron & Champ

Frobbit & Mossie
Hyokijabbapookpookdikyakdinnerpartyyokshitaiporkchoptiti (Jap)
Tim Horton (T-Hizzle Ho-Shizzle)

IMPORTANTCollapse )</font></font>



Let the fellowship gather to GO down (On F-Biz)



Bird bath- Gandalf special.


There's a peeping puff ball waiting outside for me.

Wearing an elephant thong,
a bikini top and the latest Penthouse.

I think it might be G-Fizzle. WHAT DO I DO.


Nice rooms, real spiffy, real hospitable I mean, P DIDDY must’ve slept there!

Ok jokes over. Get in the sack.

Um, walks in! Intimate moment interrupted.
Yeah Sam was ready to pull out his sword.


“Let us draw swords together.”
*Dies laughing*

All you need is pap!


Cuts off his shirt- plays with his jewels.

You ever wonder if sometimes you only like girls coz you’re s’posed to?

…and I’m the reason that question exists.


Oh I love the bow, OH yeah.
Yeah so does Gandalf!

I can’t get up there!
Yeah but Gandalf can get down there.

How did it come to this… ‘coz you had sex with your daughter.

Can I have a piece of cake?
Yes, GOD!
What’s on it?
I can’t read it, it’s cut off-
NO! Take a piece & go! Pick up the fur ball while you’re at it!


NO RESPECT! Who cares, it’s only a kid!
One I’ll hopefully never have to see again!
Where is it Krisie’s mom is nowadays anyway-
Oh, who gives a shit!

Um, Pissyfur! Nice teeth!
…thanks. SHUT UP!
(The chip)

Oh fuck off, he’s your grandfather!

Saruball… SANS hairball.
He looks like my cat when she hoarfs up.
ANYTHING involving balls… balls & sticks.


Where are we, Texas?

Jizz paw of Saruman- what is that the new international sign for gay?

She has a 5 o’clock shadow- billy goat shadow!
Lipsa over der!

Aha Lipsa AHAHAHAHA Lipsa…
Get it cuz er lip?


Um, wet dream!

You told me once… that I’d never have to eat live bird again!
Then Gandalf came in on a golf cart…
hole in one.
Aha… hole in bum.


How do trees, you know- do it?

I’m sure Gandalf would know.
Gandalf’s all about wood.

Even yours, would you let him.


Oh, look who’s sleeping on the couch tonight!

Oh, shut up, bird rub.

Gandalf’ll have no trouble grippin’ your sword.

Mmm, Aragorn knows ALL ABOUT the stick.


Bondage! Er- going down! Look at all the wood- that’s a LOT of wood.

Gandalf likes sex.


Lovers spat! You just don’t understand me, Sam.

ANOTHER lovers spat! With himself… he must masturbate a lot.


Finally I get to lie down with him again! Lay lady lay… lay across my big brass bed.
…what big bass bread?

Still hot… something hots gonna be going on later!
Drop it like it’s hot. Hot pants.
Ehhh she’s got hot pants on. She’s got no pants on!
Most guys don’t either.
Um where are we, Scotland?
How convenient.

That looks bad.
It is!
Is that a live bird?!
Oh I thought I heard it chirping in his mouth!

His fate!
Bird soup!
Eat the bird soup!
Um, Gandalfs favorite!
Excuse me waiter, there’s a chirping bird fetus in my soup.

AND FINALLY! (I have jaw lock...)

(Me green, him red, you know the damn drill.)

I'm a foam dinosaur.
& Your hair looks like an easter egg.
(I'd like to take you up on a matter...)

Dear Hyokijabbapookpookdikyakdinnerpartyyokshitaiporkchoptiti.
I am your biggest fan, stalker, and underwater allie ollie
(Seriously. They keep me in a whale tank.)
I am writing as a request pour more artwork, but I'd like to ask
this time for more cowbell, seriously.
I made you a message board & caught you a delicious bass.
You are the filthiest, most offensive artist out there.
My parrot died because of that one you did of the two bys with the
pumpkin & the frilly knickers. Thank God it died.
And you got your own worthless talkshow. Remember all the
harassment & abductions that went on when your show was getting
good ratings? Yeah, well... that was me tying people up in their homes &
forcing them to watch.
I especially liked your guest Mossimo Mutton... he could move his fingernails.
I was born anew in the genius. Then you tried to get Barabas who was dead.
You tried to get him anyway. You tried to get the WORLD anyway.
But you failed horribly- ah, I'm still around! I live in your garbage can.
You had rabbit haunches for supper.
People, they need to refrain from raping your toutons, getting really big nails
& riding around in go carts naked. IN THE NUDE. It's time to use the washroom
in the book & bible house. Anyway, to rid me of any foul companions
I may come across- keep producing Jesu's breath condensed, colorized & sold
in paperback at hospital gift stores amongst the Harlequin & doggies sayin'
Lookin' Cool, Kid- where was I going with this? Oh yeah.
You make Ghandi look like a child pornographer.
Not sure what that means, but I'm the only one who thinks it.
Finder of the middle of donuts,
-Tim Horton

Is that you in slacks?
Tim... please.

Dear T-Hizzle Ho-Shizzle,
I did recieve your letter amidst a delightful dinner of rabbit haunches
in my AQUA JET-9000- haw-TUB, with my good friend
Myrtle Moses- Hernen-DEZ.
While surfing www.terri-schiavo-crippledog.com.
Is there a dolphin in this haw-TUB?! Get the hell off me!!
Anyways. Addressing the matter of pictures and paintings,
I'm currently working on a masterpiece of "Hobbits in Bellytops",
a variation og my colleagues "Shalob in a Bellytop."
Moving on... MAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
(I'm moving my glasses now for those who can't see me now-
but not now.
My show is an art show, when I reveal art secrets to the lesser artists.
Anyways. Bye.
P.S: This note is low quality.
-Gussle Chigs

To: Irv
Fr: "I need the needle!"

Dear Orch-izzy Tra-sheezo,
Bonjour. After an aukweerd encounter with a haunchless rancid pony,
I found there is more to life than Sarumans jizz paw. I mean, there
had to be anyway. Moving on.
LOL! Alright you know those girls who were looking at squirrel porno?
They were just outraged because I had the same debate topic as them.
God, I can choose another! No need to de-haunch Shalob's sack-say parties.
Don't punish the hobbits in lingerie over suicide, jeez.
Some people got no respect. Home wreckers.
Liiiiiiiisten! We need a sexy party! It put the hob-... er, muffins in Shalobs
stomache. Heh.
Ok enough og that. I am so scrumtrelescently genius right now. I got a new title
for my new sculpture involving Frodo & Gandalf. It's called "Popsicle".

Er, totally PG [Porno Gandalf]. I'm alright...
You must be born anew in my genius. Like a developing fetus in a blinding light
of genius, but get infected with sepsis because it's too much genius.
But maybe you won't, you're another genius like me. So...
scrumtrelescently genius.
Awkwardly & wearily signed,
-Jap [aukweerd]
P.S: www.finalexit.org <---LMAO!

Aragorn (Ary) + Legolas (Leggy)
[Because legolas is all leg... & Boromir was a lousy lay.
Besides. He'd only get on his knees for the Crackers.]
Pokemon Striptease.
Hobbit Party Wear (Lingerie)
New Line: Hobbie Wear- If that hobby is illegal or PG!
(Flaming whip not included. But you mat make a request to an older chap
currently staying at a hotel with a flamer. & a hot whip. &, reportedly,
a bottle of KY jelly.) AHAHAHA!!!
Dear Jap Auk(dead)Weed,
I'm happy to hear about your new PG Popsicle sculpture. My new one
involving Sam & Galadriel- in which she gets a pan facial- is entitled
"Smoked Pot." (Gandalf perks) AHAHA Risque business if anyone
finds these notes but that's what I'll get for playin' (insert huge #) whoopie
with birdy mitt & his fuzz paws. I heard about Shelobs party!
The Venga Boys were there. But after the buffet (free, btw)
it was reduced to Venga Boy.
Anyway they say you could hear drums... drums in the deep.
So deep down there even the hobbits had to get in through their
hands hands & knees. Fortunately they were no amatures at that so they
made quick time of it. (They're experts!) Was a rave.
Frodo even contributed with his flash light & glow stick- or was he just
happy to see Shalob? (Sam prepares DDT taters for her.)
Anyway tons showed up, those rocks were orcin' out.
Funny though all that's left there now is a quite plump, putrid haunched
Shelob in a heap of tiny relatives of Dr. Bowels in risque, scantily clad attire.
That's almost as banging as your backyard. And speaking of back,
that's what Gandalf likes them on. He was thrilled with the news of the
partys end. He said, quote, "Now I don't have to worry about them waking up"
&, "Hobbits don't wear underwear." ...like our gender confused wolf, Galadriel.
Gandy claimed he attempted "hobbondage" with Elrond... who was, as Gandalf
said, "fair game & pliant" because he was asleep. Must have been that drink G made.
Until G discovered he wore panties, woke up, & punched him in the bird.
(I'm alright)

To: Prof. Crazy hair
Fr: Mr High Pants

Dear Herbie Hiscock-Macdada,
I'm here writing you with a manatee haunch pen here. What do I do?
I'm sorry, but that puffball is touching me too sexually. Oh, wait. It was just
Gandalf in a costume. It all makes sense now. Gandalf is so PG. -_^
Anyways, I'm sure you've heard the news- me & Meghan are over.
I can't handle the drama she puts me through. You know, I was at
the Rancid Pony yesterday. & OMG! Those hobbits are just tew hawt.
Gag me with a thong! [Frodo did -_^] [...I mean, G threw it & wrapped
it around my throat... actually I think it was Mr. Gamgee :S]
But I'll go back. Especially with Gan-Dawg up in da kulb. Dunno what ya
heard about Gandy... but he's a w-i-z. Wizzo to tha Zizzo, Gandy-Alfriggo.
He gets the kulb poppin' & the hobbits hoppin'/takin' off der klow-z.
So he's fly [especially on big birds... his specialty]. He wurks da kulb
lika a gansta Gandsta!
Um, a bit off track here. I'm writing in to ask you for some help.
See, I work at a very crowded office & I'm worried about facilities.
What do I do about the bathrooms? What are the classifications of poopers?
Please help.
Poop Shy Jap/ Muriel- Antwan Antwan
PS- I need a devious plan for the bathroom!

Two: Tin Tin
Fr: Scottie/Snowball
oh hell just call me whiskers.
(but I thought-SHUT UP! Where'd ya go, I thought you liked it?)

Gamgee Logs shaves its BUSH. (America doesn't, unfortunately 4 all.)
A bug is crying & I am FURIOUS. That last note made me laugh
SO HARD I was absolutely HYSTERICAL in class. Look if you see a
giant puffball you know you're going about it all wrong. I bought me some
"MAJIK SHROOMS" from G-ziddy- gets you "BIG PIPPIN" hob-poppin
slackless Sam fornicatin' Frodo buckin' Brandybucks- OK!
He took them (he as in G-Dot) out of his cloak & said they weren't for eating.
But they WILL make the hobbit whores put their tiny little fingers in my pants.
(Crotch in pants) <--- apply mushrooms here!
Anyway homie-G (sex late) is the ballz. VH1 (Very Horny1)
Behind the Cloak: Gizzy Fizzy (No lie!)
Interviews from behind closed doors revealed from select lovers.
AKA Half of middle earth. (Oh don't flatter him. We've got the other half
here as well!) You awe soh lukay. You'd better have kept that thong as a
souvenir (or the crab you picked out of your eye from it afterwards) b-kuz
last I heard those rowdy fuzz knucks were orcin' out- good motif, BAD locality-
weddings, proms, last place I saw them was the seniors home scopin' dates.
COINCIDENTALLY- we found G-Dunit positioned in a wheelchair there,
in a little pink dress & my mothers moo moo. I think he might have
"bagged a baggins" or "packed a pip" if he had cleverly remembered to shave his
mammoth birds n- I mean beard, legs, armpits and his b- er... eyebrows.
But only 2 bachelobbits left dateless... together... pans & all... disguising themselves
geniusly as a collective "FRAM."
As for Faghan (Yes, I scored THAT) don't worry about it.
She probably pulled a Boro-mizzy & got on her mo-fukkin knees for "KRAKAZ"

anyway. That's what Ghingy told me anyway, quickly followed by a discreet
"Shut yo mouf- no, keep it open, just shut up, bitch." Directed at his lap.
I swiftly pulled an ehhh SEE YA! And- oh he's watching me through my window
with whirligig and- ehhh SEE YA!

To: "Just let me undo my pants."
Fr: "What's that? ... Who's there?"

Well, first off let me say you are a genius. Flowers bloom in your path,
born in the genius. In the yenius. (Soh Klevur)
Anyway, I'd like to continue on the Fo-Gizzy note. & say that my Frodo
thong is framed on my wall & listed under "totally bizzare" on eBay
[in anti-bacterial wrap, mind you.]
But seriously, you hear of that new joint opening? Totally respectable place
called Hobbinganos? It's like PG (Squared G). VERY PG (Squared G)!
& as for the shrooms/select bonus? Well, let me say that GSH is the best drug
ever. Gandalf in the Sack with Hobbits [and anything else that moves.]
LMAO- Also airing: The Fabulous Life of: DJ WizMastaw G.
Followed by Cribs on the same person. Man, he's been getting the high traffic end of
the media. Must be his new show: The Emancipation of Hobbits After Prolonged
Kinky Groupie Sex. Pick it up today at Essential Spins. Re-re-re-remixed by
Sau-izzy K-O Man Po-dowzy. & includes collabrations with: El-diddy,
Lil Arwin, The Orcs, & Trans (ie) Susanand.
Anyway, off to the home-game dawg.
-Jap-izzo to tha Anese-rizzy.

To: King Poupa (UggUgg)
I admit it I'm a teen-please, this is PRIVATE! 1 UP YOURS!
(High society fat chick)
His dad really hates him! F, ar-am-ir!
FAJA! Wants to bang more than pots- S, am-wi-se! (Sorry, U)

I have a lot of CD's to pick up. #1 on my list is a Shatner-esque album compiled
by gandy the Gay, mixed by the Neptibbits & spun by DJ Sau-C Krakka:
SamwiZe Gam-G & H-Unit: Get bagged or dye tryin!
(Apparently the name came from his turbulent love life with Mr.a..AHH!)
Shortly after tripping on GSH & orcstacy at a rave... screamed himself to sleep,
woke up with an 8 legged, satisfied hefty woman on the floor of a Japanese families
living room & they would NOT. STOP. SCREAMING.
THE FAB LIFE OF: FrodA Frav & Gandy Spice (Church for Homo)
& there's THE REVEAL LIFE: Meriadoc Buckin-Bronco, Big Pippin Tookalook,
Steamer Gammy-G, Boro-me Gon-down, Touchthehorn of Hari-porn, Sore-ol-mom,
Forda Bangin (Ft. Harlet Even(in)Cars, Ginchli, & Gaydalf ft. a long long stick with...)
Th-they'll just watch. And I'll be out there faster than a humiliating quip from Janices
mouth that squelches my chances with hot waiters. I like that on your new station,
PGS (Prolonged Groupie Sex) ratings PG, with PDA (Parental Discretion is advised)
...or shall I say Pervy Dudes Allowed. DOGZ R KOOL OK? (as toss ins)
Moresaydeez Bendz (Please. There wasn't enough in movie #1, says your viewers.
That's their only request. Besides a huge demand for Trimmed Bush extraordinaire,
Gamgee Log.) Bilbo Baggins put on a piar of chaps so tight we regret to inform, he
suffocated. Not from the chaps, but from prolonged captivity within the cloak of
one Gizzy tha Gizzy. HOLY PANCING, Shatman, I've been hit- I'M HIT!

To: Pissy
Fr: Kissy

Yeah, I smoked up teabags with G-Dot yesterday. It was so cool, I mean,
I'm such a cool teen. [teen] you know, I don't care anymore. I hate school and
life and I'm mad at everyone in the world! [/teen]
I saw Fro-Shizzy to the Bizzy to! Not, NOT at a PG place either.
(I wish I could draw- I want to draw funny stuff)
So it's soh NO-WER-MULL aaend teee-nul.
Cuz (eye)'m SOH KEWEL lyk thit.
I can't wait- it's gonna be soh goud.

What's with us & slandering the English language? GOOD IT DESERVES!
Fred's got slacks. Frodo's got slacks! :o (teeny)
[Not after Gandalf shows up!] Ph, so g-
Bye Jap.

To: Zosko
Fr: Zoska

HAHA THANKS A LOT. I barked out & when I looked up everyone was staring.
Ok Dill looks so much like Dill I can't stop staring. AND WHILE I'M AT IT
REMEMBER... he likes ceasar. Crispy crunch. And make work of it faster than
Gandalf in a go-down competition. Tomorrow is gonna orc- I can't wait!
 I can't believe you caught Frodalgo AGAIN! Luuckkyyy... I only saw him two
days agao... on his scooter... butt naked... pissin'. Sam was there as well, mortified,
muttering "beggin' your pardon sir- it's not the bathroom baby." Frodiddle simply
stated: "Bathroom's right here." & that's how I found out Frodos secret.
Rose bushes aren't the ONLY ones Sam tends to at Bag End.
It's out. Nuah! ..... NUAH!
I have a math quiz tomarra life sucks cut the bare skin little toot lousy hoot- ohh
taffie cathy flabjack pattie chuck kelpine flapjack horse glue tooth scum- the spaces
in your tooth smell like- are those hard shrimps? Smell like... oh my God.
Who was just here- I thought it was a babysitter you could trust, she had a beard
for God's sakes, I mean I had to go on the boat to dry hu- hook u- see Fro & it
was a BEARD- oh Gandald how could you, my poor son! (Conv. Nam. Fro. Jr.)
(A la tuffie duck thunk chuck) who's Starkskey (AAHAHA)
Zoska signing off folkes... you stay classy, Beothuk Park.


FR: Kaya
TO: Ka-Mow-Dough

Dear Womb,
Neah... Neah. *Approves* Like a Rhinestone COWboy! Dun Dun...
Like a naked Gandalf, do do, ridin' out on a Fro wearing star-spangled lingerie!
"Aren't you a bit old for that ride?" :S
..."Oh trust me, I'm just riiiiiiiiiiight..." (Gandalf emo here)
Saw G-Fizz, yesterday. THEY'RE EVERY-WHERE!
But he was smoking corn husks with Samizzle Ga-jizzle [for a reason]
Man, he's so damn kewlio. I'm in the comp room with Duckie Tuff.
I hear some rap shit. Sounds like a fucking cow getting its balls made
into lamburgers.

GUH- Anyways, ttyl


(Yes, Lance SHITS)


Just burnin' doin' the
Neutron Dance
(So fat & Brown.)


Current Mood: impressedimpressed
Current Music: The Pointer Sisters- Neautron Dance

(1 comment | Leave a comment)

April 20th, 2005
09:00 pm


Kelc taught an old manatee new tricks.
I'm abusing those advantages I couldn't reap before.
Then she got told off by a platypus.
But thanks anyway.

Yeaaas... have another reach, you forgot your change.

I love the Beatles.
Don't know if I mentioned that before.
But I'm going to see Paul McCartney.
Don't know if I mentioned that before.

TO THE ((*stuff*)) of YONDER WOMB.
...of the Beatles.....

Press: Are you wearing wigs or real hair?
Ringo: Hey, where's the police?
Paul: Take her out!
Press: Why are your speaking voices different from your singing
George: We don't have a musical background.
George: Our hair's real. What about yours, lady?
Press: Are you going to have a leading lady for the film you're
about to make?
Paul: We're trying to get the Queen. She sell in England, you
Press (to George): Hi, you're not married.
George: No, I'm George
Press: Girls rushed toward my car because it has press
identfication, and they thought I met you. How do you explain this
John: You're lovely to look at.
Press: Is it true you can't sing?
John (pointing to George): Not me. Him.
Press: The French have not made up their minds about the
Beatles. What do you think of them?
John: Oh, we like the Beatles. They're gear.
Press: Ringo, why do you wear two rings on each hand?
Ringo: Because I can't fit them through my nose.
Press: What is the biggest threat to your careers, the atom bomb
or dandruff?
Ringo: The atom bomb. We've already got dandruff.
Press: Why is it that you Ringo get more fan mail than the
Ringo: I dunno. I suppose it's because more people write me.

Speaking of shitty, which I wasn't.


Byron comes out.
Well he said I could post this stuff so I WILL.
That's right.
These are things... and more things.
But most of them came from us.
Watching The Fellowship.
Or not.
Or maybe yes.
Now look at your crotch

Want some rancid cream with a putrid teabag
There’s gonna be some bag but it might not be tea.

You know, Gandalf stops by for some tea.
Gets a little more than tea, gets more cream in his tea than he expected.

You’re my shitter.
You’re just a log of shit.


Touches you in the night time- G, a-n-d-a-l-f!
& The surname of the rapee! B, a-g-g-i-n-s!


Touching you under the table.
Where’s Gandalf?
Oh he went to go pick up some… baggage.
No that one won’t go down don’t go down!
Not like Gandalf!


She’s having so much fun! And they’re all men!
Drag End!


Where’s dad?
…in the trunk.


He’s out there heating up his meatballs.


Ok OH my GOD! Bus 19!

The rancid pony.

Putrid pony.


IS THAT A WHIP?! Um… kinky! This is too much.

They stole our sweet babies!
(Hotel womb)


Charges laid after Rowsell drug bust
Rowsell’s arrested after Rowsell crime spree


Now your nan can have a popsicle.


Rated PG (Porno Gandalf)

Good job Frodo. You get a free popsicle.
You just have to reach into my pants to get it.

He looks like my nan.

I’m sorry Frodo… for everything.
For touching you in your sleep as a child.
…now he’s returning the favor.

I’ll tumble for ya!
And Boromir returns the favor to the hobbits for that
tumble on the mountain side.

Legolas: Oh. That’s awkward. Aragorn & Boromir. Well that’s not what Aragorn told ME last night.
Gimli: …well that’s not what Aragorn told ME the other night.

NOW you get a free popsicle and a hot dog.

We’re having a party! A party for 9!
And all those elves...
Yeah and the orcs…
A party for millions!
K… that’s not intimate. At all.
Party for two, ah-ho! Party for allllll

*Frodo takes off his shirt*
Take off your clothes.
Yeah and Bilbo just wanted the ring. Frodo was offended. Rejected.
He put his clothes back on. So awkward.
Does it back up in shame!


“Destroy it!”
…dirty deed. And that’s what happened on my first date.

That’s what you get, folks. For having tri-whoopee with hobbits.

The jizz paw of Saruman

Now, over here in Minas Tirith-
M-Nizzy T to the Rizzy-

 “You will taste man flesh!”
With you around they probably already have.

Those rocks are orcing out!

Drums… drums in the deep…
*Rock music, rolling stones kicks in*

They’re having a disco party. But they aren’t up for that. They like raves.
Check out the glow stick.
(That’s awkward)
Hey is that your sword or are you just happy to see me?
Um… him, takes a peek as well!

He looks like he got punched in the bird!

Frodo Baggins scores it with a chick? Amazing.
Amazing that it’s not a guy.
Actually… I have many unwanted thoughts- and parts- that I have to deal with.
I know what it is you saw.
I’m an elf. I have a huge bush beneath this white dress.

You’ll never guess what.
Fred’s got slacks.

Listen up man, Fred just dropped his slacks, ripped right off of him.
Ohhhh my God-
I know.

My new masterpiece. Hobbits in belly tops.



And Jesu was glad.


Fuck me hard.


Current Mood: chipperchipper
Current Music: Handle with Care- T/W

(Leave a comment)

08:26 pm


Just testingggggg

Please, Jesu. TELL ME I am doing this shit right.


anyCollapse )

Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: Led Zeppelin-Ramble on

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

April 19th, 2005
06:15 pm


it is funny and amusing story 4 u.

Oh bump in an armpit.
I'm tired of Women & Labrador & their carbunckles.

THIS SEGMENT I present to people who say
Lord of the Rings just isn't funny enough.
(Because you know people were just rolling on the theatre floor)
Well, to love is to laugh. (Gets hit by a car.)
Maybe I can help you out a bit, thanks to idiots who try to screencap
a movie.
...I've almost urinated myself over some... so Byron, thanks for the Luvs.

Hoard Of the Caps

...just leave the body, continue on like nothing ever happened.

A request Gandalf is used to. ;)

A shout out to Templeton.

Thus, a threesome was born.

The tale takes an unexpected twist.

After a few shots of whiskey we'll get to talking.

An alias for an alias. I like it.

...and drop your slacks.

And he's offering summer sales!

And ONLY today.

Beastiality isn't taken lightly in these parts.

Because you all know about the fire hazards in these parts.
Those ents are pyro maniacs.

Boromir expresses his deepest sympathies for the hobbits woes.

But then they went to rehab, got muzzles...

He swears it by the hair on his chinny chin chin.

Looks like the writers of the commentary got bored of the dramatic plot.

Condo have no existance, either.

Gollum cuts to the chase.

Damn things keep popping up everywhere!

Seems he doesn't know the name of the kingdom he rules,
even after 5000+ years.

Don't make me guffaw.

Elrond gets Punk'D.

Everyone hopes.

Faramir, not so courteous.

Of this shit circus!

For your biggest blunts.

It was all Frodos fault.

Frodo seems truly distraught.

Gandalf decides it's time for Frodo and himself to settle down.

Gimli turns over a religious leaf, a la Al Green.

Gollum is proud of his dump. Sam not so much.

Gollums secret, past life.

Yeah, you're on your own in this one bud.

I trimmed my bush.

HAHAHAHA That's a first.

Comes out about a few problems.

He DID bring his glow stick...

He did the mash.

Oh he'll never be able to keep his greedy paws off your discounts!

Why the rating for TTT was slightly higher than the other two.

If only it had a mouth!

If you're into that sort of thing.

They'll shake their little tush on the catwalk.

You'd hope at an age like 111.

To chat?! OMG- PWNED. *Logoff*

Yeah, I mean who's THAT low.

I'm sorry Bilbo. You're right. I took you for granted.

A solemn, moving farewell.

Oh, don't leave us hanging in suspense!!

I misconstrued your intentions. I apologize for stereotyping.

Look who just woke up.

Looks like they were on the rocks.

It alsho looksh like Shhean Connery was delivering a speshal commentary.

Merry is a consistant subscriber to Womens World.

Nice to know. I'd hate to see what a particularly ugly bird hailing from
California will have to say about that.


Nothing to worry about, just Saruman sending us some baked goods
filled with DDT. ;)

Don't worry Sam. We get it.

Oops. Wrong movie there, Lurch.


Return to sender.

Sam has been reading FoNiX again.

That's right, Elrond. Fan the flames.

Sans bottle of bub.

Snoopys true adversary.

Someone in the fellowship finally speaks out about Aragorns
fear of water.

Sorry. The Power Rangers bus broke down.

"Take off your pantsssssssssssssssss...."

Moving on.

The truth about Merry.

Trading recipes even Jesus clamoured for.

Those aren't implants.

Th-throw something at him!

Trades in the pretty elf for a manly man.

Now outside the shire, Frodo drops his customary manner of speech.
(What if Frodo was black and tried to drive a Snoop DeVille...)

Frodo reveals his thoughts on Elvish cooking.

Lets hope there's an Oprah in Middle Earth.

We all know about those crazy, unpredictable ox.

Why are we still discussing this.

What, no Condor?

When two ox love each other...

Who/wherever he is.

Strong words of wisdom from a fat kid.

Yeah get in line.

The ring obviously brings out truth that can only be
equaled by a few shots of tequila.

Theoden delivers a sum up that even I couldn't elaborate further.
You bring my tradition to glory.


Ahhh, that was even better than a good dump.

Eowyn: Ahem... I'm still                                   Aragorn: And I'm still  taken.                     
available. ;                     Aragorn: And I'm still  taken.                                                             How many hints do you need?

ahahahaha... Frodoslegacy.com makes my life worthwhile.
Thank you.

ahahahha... mamba # 5eeoo...

The fellowship involved a lot of fellows.

Fess up. Who owns them.

Alright, enough.
Though quite a serious, seemingly epic, touching tale...

There's nothing wrong with pasting a vital characters head
onto a lanky womans body and giggling at it with Byron's grandparents
and their pet squid before you go to sleep.

I'm sure Tolkien would have loved it.
And this....

Things can't get better than this.



Current Mood: deviousdevious
Current Music: Zebrahead- Wannabe (AHAHAHAHAHA)

(4 comments | Leave a comment)

April 13th, 2005
08:02 pm


What the HELL IS THAT?! George... this is what I had on last time.

This is dedicated to the most historical gay- or possibly but not likely straight couple in the world.


Oh yeah. And probably the most abusive.

Yup, roger on that.

The first play:

*George in kitchen, stirring juice with spoon in jug. It Barges in*
It: GEORGE! ...What are ya doin'.
G: *Irritated* Makin' some crackers.
It: ...they look mighty tasty. Mind if I... have a-
G: No. Don't.
It: Just a little-
*G smacks Its hand with spoon. Awkward silence*
It: George. YOU weren't like this BEFORE George you ALWAYS
let me taste...

G: I never let you taste shit. Would you SHUT UP?
It: George, you know what it was like before- remember? Lip balm,
Antartica, Poop... don't you remember the poop George?
G: *Dull* No, I DON'T. Ok? Yeah...
It: I'm gonna go see... CHARLIE!!
It: You heard me. *Runs*
G: You're gonna go see WHO?!
It: Ch-Charlie! *Runs out of veiw through door*
G: You're not gonna go see Charlie get back here. I SAID GET BACK HERE!
*Hauls spoon out of jug and beats it on table*
It: (background) Charlie! Where's Charlie?!
G: If you don't get back here I'll get out my knife... I'm getting out my knife!
It: Where's... *Comes in kitchen slowly* Where... is... CHARLIE?!?!
G: Charlah? *dull* Oh. Charlie. Who cares.
It: Where is he... *desperately* WHERE IS 'E?!
G: *Smiles coyly with glee behind Its back* ...Where's who?
G: *dull* Can't hear what you're saying just say the damn name. -_-
It: CHARLIE, where's Charlie?
G: Oh I ate him for supper last night... yeah.
It: Wh-WHY-Why Charlie no- would you eat CHAR-LAY?!
G: ...cuz he's an apple.
It: He's *sobs* He was the apple of my eye!
G: What? WHAT?! *Hits spoon off counter furiously* Apple of Its eye, eh?

It: AHH OH But you're the GEORGE of my eye!
*Screams & goes under counter, holding an eye*
G: I ain't no George of your eye- I got my spoon!
*Chases It into living room*

It: Oh, it's all over now!
G: ...I got my spoon. You piece of crap, I'll show you!
*hits spoon off coffee table, knocks plant over,
beats coffee table repeatedly. It flinches and gasps*

It: It wasn't like this before it doesn't have to be- AH!
*George picks up log of wood*
It: OH you got les wood- that's a lot of wood.
G: Yeah this is CHARLIES wood!
*Both stop to laugh at the dirty connotation. George then beats the wood around*
It: OH! Don't beat around Charlies wood- his wood was special to me!
G: Don't say that again!
*Hits It with log*
It: OW! Doesn't have to be like this-
G: It'll NEVER be like it was before there was nothing before you're USELESS!
It: *Gasps...silently* Poop stain on my soul.
G: You're worthless! (It gasps. George spits on It. It gags)
G: You SUCK! (It gasps) Nobody likes you. (It gasps louder) Not even
Charlie did he told me to tell you before he left he told me to tell you, YOU SUCK!

It: *gasps and it turns into a scream.* CHARLLLAEIEIIAAAAAA!!!
*Gags, screams and writhes* AAAAAAAHHHH CHARLIE!!!
G: (Looks uncomfortable/disturbed- talks to audience) You getting this thing?
What is that thing. What is that. What IS that THING. I'm going back to my kitchen
that thing's a faggot.

*It screams, moans for Charlie- George leaves and goes to kitchen disturbed*
G: ...I hate it.
*George bangs wall menacingly. It comes in, laughing slow and psychotic.
Has Georges spoon but upon laughing forgets. G nervously snatches it back.*

It: I've got proof! Look it's me &... CHARLIE!!
G: ...that's a blank piece of paper.
It: Oh... Oh...
G: You ARE an idiot.
It: Charliiiieee, I know you're in here! *Going through a book*
G: *frustrated* Idiot that's a MATH BOOK!!!
*George goes over, hits with log, hits book & wall, goes back to stirring juice*
It: ...there's no need of this.
G: There's every need of it EVERY NEED OF IT! *Swings around log*
Every need. *Kicks counter*

It: You used to poop like a champion. What happened to those days?
G: YOU happened to those days!
*It screams out*
G: I want you gone. *Pretends log is gun*
It: I- ehe. Fag. FINE! I'M LEAVING! PROTECTION! I'm going HOME!
G: Ok.
*It storms off as George continues stirring juice. Voice comes drifting*
It: Eh...George?
G: Yeah...
It: Th-the door's not opening, it's stuck or something- er would- I-
could you give me a hand here, I-

G: No.
It: *Peeks into kitchen* Eh, please?
G: No.
It: No but I really-I really- I mean I really just-I really-
G: NO!!!
It: ...George.
*George chases It out of the kitchen with the log. It tries the door again and fails.
Comes in kitchen, looks furious.*
G: What.
*It whips the counter with a branch*
G: ...I locked it. Did you try open sesame, idiot?
It: *Runs to door* OPEN SESAME!
*Silence. It runs back into kitchen to George*
It: IT DIDN'T WORK!! *Screams, whips table again*
G: *Dull* That WAS the plan. I was being sarcastic.
It: Oh. THAT'S IT! I've had enough of this! Unlock the door. GEORGE!
G: No.
*It starts wildly whipping the counter angrily. George lifts log menacingly*
It: OH! That's a big piece of wood!
G: YEAH?! How would you like it in your ASS?!
*George angrily pursues It out of kitchen where you can't see them.
Huge, furious beating/brawl is heard- goes on forever.
George returns to kitchen casually with It now silenced.
Lays down log, continues stirring juice.
Looks over shoulder, notices camera recording.*

G: *panicked & angry* Shit.
*Turns it off*


After returning to George & getting beaten for being a slut in Las Vegas,
It returns to GEORGE AGAIN to find he is now a DON.

*Goes over to G's desk slams hand down.* "George..."
*George's cat moans. G shoves it under the desk*
It: George. I've been through a LOT lately- many, life altering changes.
& sometimes I felt like I needed you George. And you weren't outside
my garbage can. So I was thinking the other day- actually it was last year-
that I should, LEAVE LAS VEGAS. But that's not the point right now.
I went through many things, as I said before. I stepped in poop. (Both laugh)
& Many other unGodly things. And... nevermind. And I won't talk about the
incident I had... in Nebraska. (crazily) SERIAL killers!
*G looks nervous*
It: But George I came back here because I still love you.
G: What?!
It: I still, love, you-
It: So my plan is scrapped AGAIN!
G: ...can't you see what I am now? You come in here... you don't even think
to call me Don George. You don't call me Godfather, GodGeorggy, Georgefather?
*Both start losing composure laughing*
G: Gather?
*It falls against wall laughing*
G: You think to call me none of these things. Not even Forge.
It: *Dying laughing* AHA. You think you're coy, George. *laughs* Forge.
Just like I did with my mothers signature. On account of the Gym Free card.
But. BUT!! You just shot me through your side paneling. I came back here
because I love you, & I want this to work wether you're a Gath, George, Gather,
or whatever. That I can't pronounce. But I want you to know something.
I left Las Vegas. I decided to follow my LIFE, LONG, DREAM-
G: What is it that you ask? Is this what you're here for? Do you want money?
What do you want?

It: If I could have anything... it would be DECENY! But you have none of THAT.
To give ME.
G: You have no decency to recieve you're a dirty filthy piece of SHIT!
It: If I weren't so low-
It: ... I'd think that was an offense.
*George does the MJ chin flick*
It: Oh, like a slap. To the OW (grabs ass) THE CHEEK!

AAAnd that's all I'm writing of them for now.

(George discovering, not for the first time, Its tats, and hollering

God rest ye merry Gentlemen, and may he strike you dead the ones
we cannot define. -_-


(I got my whip...got my whip...)


Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: The Beatles-Rain

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

05:37 pm


She Lykes Ta FEED...

Ho my Gawd. (VIVE LOS WILD!)
Yeah so YOU think I think I'm the hot shit now just because
I changed this?...

I say to you, Yes. I feel like the queen shortly after Camilla gets
hit by a double decker to hell.

Jeez, it looks like George Harrison ran his 67 mini into my screen.
Those emo-frogs were the absolute SHITTIEST things I could find.
I'm sorry I couldn't find worse.
Oh well.
My stomach is mammoth and bloated with most likely gas.
And I am in pain. But I deserve it for eating so many nachos.
Byron is painting a new masterpiece called "Hobbits in Bellytops."

"Besides the fact that he's psychotic, and a murderer, and a cannibal,
he finds peace, and love... and God's love in the killing and eating of people."

....AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *coughsrollsintofirescreaminggetsoutsinged&bewildered*
...yeah I like him a little.

I don't understand why this makes me entertainingly titilized more than usual...
(I've stopped saying horny. It is an absolute offense to everyone who reads it
so I might as well offend them more, and is a big laugh to people who know me.)
((Poor them.))
He looks like the If they mated Child of a drunken night featuring Aurthur,
China Doll, Harry Potter, Scottie Too Hottie, Toby whatshisface and Charlie Brown.
Alright so that's as good as a Peak Freane right now.
(Why do I keep talking about them they gagged and nearly ended Byron yesterday-)
((Almost, I paid that much for an ALMOST-))
((((Technically nothing you typed it-))))
Anyway I made up a big, intellectual and slightly arousing speech about why
I'm going to see a movie so far out of character for me.
Hookers. Murders. Slut buffets.
But really it was a load of shit seeing I'm only going to watch it for HIS killer
performance... God, I hate what I've become. Oh, no I don't nevermind.
Aaaand public looks like pubic.

ANYWAY guess what I'm doing.
Seeing kelc is unable to see them-
And because I have wanted to for a ridiculous amount of time-
I'm going to write the clever non-scripted, entirely Ad-Lib skits.
Some of them anyway.
Kelc, you'd better love this.

AAAANYWAY I'm gonna go do it now and hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

BRB, make me pee.


(ok holy fuck... my dog is having a

Current Mood: productiveproductive
Current Music: U2- A Man & A Woman

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

March 22nd, 2005
09:05 pm


I am one bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad horsie.
And now I bring you... NOT the Manta Ray song.
Guys this is a warning to all, DO NOT GO


I re-wrote that fucking shit hole of a YapYong.

(ahahahaha password protected so my mom
can't see the dirty words...)


Was so long ago
Thought you should know
Bout my has been chum, oh pal named Totoro
He smelled like shit
Couldn’t handle it
Shipped him off to God knows where after a bottle of Rhypnol\
Now he roams disturbing the homes of old folk

Talkin bout my some school friend Totoro
With him I got no sorrow
You got some body spray
And he’d make sure that you’re a ok-
In the womb of yonder friend Totoro
If I saw him tomorrow
I’d awkwardly look the other way
And pretend I didn’t know him anyway-
Like that fuckin Manta ray

(talk) What’s the point of this song anyway I mean do I like him or not?
I mean I’m not making a prophet here I don’t even know where I am.
I just woke up on the floor of this apartment
And I don’t even fucking know someone named Totoro.
I need to change my diaper. God.

(Singing)He lived in a barn- in a stall with a horse that ate hay-
& he’d eat whatever it would leave behind
Last name was Knuck
Who gives a fuck
Tarantula stache rubs my knee
I excuse myself to go pee
But I’m sneaking down the pillar of the balcony
Got to get the hell-

errr- that's as far as I got. Big dealus.

AND NOW: The many reach arounds
of my sister Janice.
Now those of you who know Janice may or may not
Know of her consistent usage of this term
That was so cleverly developed by either me or her
And carried on by me and/or her.
(Let the fellowship gather to get down to reach around.)

(What an extended DVD set is REALLY about.)

Giving Mortimer Goth the grim reaper reach around.
Giving Charo the reach around.
Doin the reach around.
Seamus. (WHAT?! It's a dirty enough name.)

Giving the dragon (Nazgul) THE REACH AROUND.
Eating out lambchops.
Giving Samsquatch the Cleaveland Steamer.
Dededameh in the behrehm.
Beast Wars live cam
Thanks for Mutton.
Rubbing myself to Mah Jong.
So what's the plan, Stan?
For you to hop on the bus, gus...and get the shocker.
Giving Roger Barnett the reach around but wishing it was Randy Snow.
Your pal with the hoof and vitiligo ballsac.
Im OUT, like a clump of menstration.
Marks "Salty Sailor".
Wishing I had given the perv at the bar a chance.
Yours till the tatty cakes cease to exist.
Have a fucking shmeggy day.
Wondering what Gollums ballsac smells like.
Holla back, I no longer have a ballsac.
Giving los lonely boys and kissyfurs dad the reach around simutaneously.

And my personal favorite:
"Bilbo Baggin's bag- reach around, grab his bag...Gandalf-"


Power can be (unfortunately) wrangled in the smallest of web space.





What do I do now? I finished the internet.


So people like MOS DEF won't come in and take the glory.





A fat patch of black rolled onto the floor & there she was, screaming.

Why do people think “pee on me” is so funny?
Do they think it’s funny? Well it’s not.
…that’s my favorite joke. O_O
…it’s hilarious.


I’d lop his flop!


I don’t need fucking kids in here, trying to find
some bespectacled pervert in a striped sweater.


Look at this wild flamingo SAVAGELY RAVAGING IT’S PARENT!
A flamingo will fuck you up, man!

Oh, who’s she giving the reach around to now- Ernest?


Let the fellowship gather to rev knucks.


I’m sooky, I want a back rub. I also want Usher to get in a car accident and lose a limb.


Giving chucky from rugrats the reach around.


I tried to set my hotmail password to penis. But it said it wasn’t long enough.

Real life should have a fucking search engine or something. I need my socks.


Hey, you know what sucks?
Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
Black holes.
Hey, you know what just isn't cool?

…I think I just had a DoodleGasm.


What’s the complement to a 43 degree angle?

“My you're looking "acute" today!”

…fuck you.


I hated going to weddings.
All the grandmas would poke me saying "You're next".

They stopped that when I started doing it to them at funerals.


Giving petrie from the land before time the reach around.
ma hammana.


You teasing, pus hot bastard.
How dare you make me dead-Pauly-Shore hot.
This isn’t over, gadget. Next time…




I don’t celebrate lent. Why? Should I be?
Will Jesus hate me if I don’t? Great…
Of course Jesus will hate you… of course.


Look guys, I’m in the paper!
“Charges laid after drug bust”
“Youths arrested after Crime Spree.”


My farts are enough to kill small animals right now.

Your genitals have been giving off a foul odor lately. I’m worried.


I just found two of my eyelashes in my mouth.
I was repulsed. They may as well have been pubes.


I would kill puppies to get flecked by SweatyMcCartney.ca
I would have sex with someone with an std to get tickets.


Don’t leave me here with all these menstrating mongrels!


My pantyhose are like three inches below my crotch!




“You want some bacon?”
Oh. Well, you just bludgeoned my fucking dignity
like a mother fucking seal baby hunt on the down low.
But I’m feeling a bit peckish why YES!!


No! Smeagol not into ropes, nassty kinky hobbitses!


I just want my uterus to fuck off.


I was thinking "are you a curling limbed tard?"
No I'm not too fucked up.
Fucked up, but in a harness on a kid sort of way.
Not like the kid that's in it.
…I’m the definition of kid harness.




“I’m sorry, but that looks like ass fluff. Dispose of it.”


His moustache looks like veal.

I had a fist fight with a duck. Now I’m an amputee.


You just helped us break into someone's locker -
you're going down with us!

 "I saw Dale at the supermarket and he punched me in the throat!
I just want to be in on the queer jokes - what do I have to do??"

"So, Michelle? Trying to lose weight?
Well that scale in their takes off 3 pounds. Keep going.
Bathtubs are good for washing dogs-
or drowning them, in your case.
The dog had to go to the hospital.
Remember that? Poor Caydi. She almost died."


“Where WERE YOU?! I have these hamburgers cooked-
I called and called, there was nobody home!
Your father’s gone out of town- you’re still at school,
I don’t know what to do with them!
I couldn’t bring them up there with nobody home,
Oh- WHAT do I DO?!”

”Why didn’t you call me a dolphin? The nose, the straight teeth, the AYH AYH AYH AYH AYH-”
 “What does straight teeth have to do with anything?”
 “Dolphins always have straight teeth!”
 *Looks weary* “Um…” *Laughs*
 “NO! You just TRY and find a dolphin with a snaggletooth!”

*Eats Mumop’s cricket collection- children look timid-
I look up- they run screaming back into Mumop’s womb
and don’t stop screaming…he can- can- FUCK! HE CAN’T SLEEP AT NIGHT!*







Like a rhinestone

Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: Oasis-Don't look back in anger

(Leave a comment)

March 2nd, 2005
10:53 pm


Your talk is cheap... like your woman.

The genius of PB Popple and the Popple Messiah.

So is the rest of your fellow Yibs. Gunned the fuck down in Abu Dhabi somewhere. As long as they aren't swoopin' and poopin' in my side of town anymore. MYSIDEMYSIDEMYSIDE!! M00-ving on. One man... three Yimmy's... 10 chances to win a bag of fresh squeezed puss. That's right, puss. It's like orange juice but not. Anything but. BUTT. (#Y#) M00-ving on. Jean Paul is a dirty bastard. Touched my hook-bed. I WANT MY HOOK. What would you do-oo-oh, for a yook-ie yaw... OH take them home to meet your fuckin' family. Well too bad, they're fuckin' dead. Get over it, Pose-Me Nudie Barbie. Go dance on a tabletop for greasy business men with bad homelives and make yourself useful. Dirty fuckin' whore. M00-ving on. That's right, a triple-threat of bad animal puns. A TRUE PUN, unlike your counterfeit ones. So sue me... don't - it isn't worth your time or money. And I'd only get a Bargain Giant lawyer anyway. Stop leaving Madder Ugly around town. He's scaring the yidgeons to death. Do you know how many dead shit-filled immovable-boweled birds I've picked up today? I should've left them in the garbage. Why didn't I leave them in the garbage? WHY? Oh well. I'll have the salad. No, soup! SOUP! "I've taken you for granted..." Oh, get a room. >.> ... and a wash, stop bringing down the provincial social standing. I wish you died as a fetus - wish you were eaten as a Mumop Unborn Young. With a mop. And a mu. Dunluh Mu. Doohluh luh luh hoolepoo. FUCK OFF ME TRUFFF. Or fuck off. But me trufff. STOP BEING YAWLESS. The question is... is it jawless or pawless? Even I don't know. But pretend. For the sake of flipper kids everywhere. Or contribute to the Get The Shitty Flipper Kids Out of the Fuckin' Country fund. Please. We're begging you. It's about time the Bish was disposed of anyway. But seriously. Go home, and die. Alone. I mean, the invitation is extended to anyone willing to go to a party in someone's pants. So that'll take care of the Bish. Problem solved. I know what you're thinking; and yes. I HAVE been kidney-ed many many times. But oook at me, I turned out fine. *fucked up* Larry John Beanie Bowels Nurny Bunbon Millith Kurnil Hasslehoof Yookyawyatsyoken Haggie Pillemina Yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyab Flourice... please. Stop parking yer uglah all over town. Fuckin' cinnamon bun head. Don't listen to 'em Randy; yer beautiful. Well, a yib in danger is not a yib in the most. But is a danger in yib a danger? ... Duh nuh nuh nuh... Duh nuh nuh nuh... *tapes explodes, people's faces blown off like birthday candles, Burt comes in, crotch flyers flying, people eyes getting drilled into by the retch of him, other people ripping off noses in attempt to get away as the noxious reek overpowers life's meaning and existance. In the distance, a burly moose poops, alone and ture. A vicious cat drops firecrackers from fridges, fox's rip off arms and piss in the sleeves*

 ...and my response.


AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.....HA... hawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwPAPA AnD NOW THE HEAT IS ON- Faster than the Colonel's breakdancing disrespected fuckin corpse lying on the grill quick quick QUICK GET HIM OFF THE GRILL BEFORE HE GETS GOLDEN, CIPPY DECREPIT PITY... Stain. Just like- LEAVE HIM FOR HANNIBAL LECTER Who just so happens to be on my COD, HAM (Animal pun...ANIMAL FARM FUCKING HATED THE BOOK OAH THE COLLAR I BORE LIKE AARON BAIRD) Contact list on MSN and NOT AOL BECAUSE JESUS HATES IT! And your dog who clubbed him up the side of the fuckin face. He had to cancell his shot with Vogue- along side Annie Lennox (through the lens of the cameras AHHH FUCKING BURNING MY IRIS- AND THE BUSDRIVER MY SHITTY GREEN/ORANGE DOLPHIN NO SHUT UP I LOVED HIM I THREW HIM BEHIND MY TOY BOX QUIFF WHALES PAINTED ON, APINTED-I TRACED) AND Noelle Hannams who is conveiniently wearing a TIGHTLY TIED BAG on her filthy skull and NOT a pair of non-existent *NSYNC PANTS. I WORE FARMER PANTS AS A CHILD and had a funeral for my front tooth SO GET THE FLYING (STUMPS OUT OF THE ROOM, STUMPS- AH FUCK I'M PARALYZED) tushace- hit by cars, throwing rocks. THAT BOY WAS ON MY LAWN And he THREW THINGS. He wore the same sneakers for 16 years, SIXTEEN (on rohypnol GET THE FUCK IN MY FUCKING TRUNK) AND I SET OFF every last fucking one of the gophers from AGHHHHH CADDYSHACK I'''''''MMMMMMMMMM ALLLRIGHT, AIN'T NO BODY WORRIED BOUT ME. OF COURSE FUCKING NOT, YOU'RE A BITCH! (Crazy as a coconut) *Sees coconut NOT. STOPPED. SCREAMING. Hairless cat rips the face off... nice seafood dinner THERES NONE MY AUNT is married here but she looks like SHE TAKES THE SPECIAL BUS TO SCHOOL. With kids who's legs are lopsided and they ALWAYS TRY TO HELP ME MATTHEW DAWE USED TO KICK MY SHINS AND IT HURT. His sneakers had velcro. I only wear chili peppered pants because AHHAHaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA aAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (MY LOVER... IT ISN'T, TOO OLD AND SMOKES RABBIT PAW) I SAID NO SHARP CHEDDAR, WHAT THE FUCKKKKK- I BURNT HAROLD! JENNIFER GOUDIE HELPED ME USE A RAILWAY PICK TO RIP THE OLD MONKEY-GREY MADE OF SOCK OUT OF MY GARBAGE BAG/DUMP/ OH WHAT THE FUCK IT WAS, IT HIT US, FROZEN IN LIKE A MOOSE KNUCK AT THE FUCKIN ROWSELLS. His arm RIPPED OFF LIKE A LEAF in a midst the mud, dogberries and CARPENTER BUGS. I NAMED HIM ANDREW GOUDIE BECAUSE I'M SICK LIKE THAT. I had SPONGE DINOSAURS AND I TORTURED CAYDI. (GOD REST YE MAREE GENTLE MEN DINGA DINGA DINGA DINGA DINGA- aRRAAGARARARAGAGAGGAGAGA (Caydi after uppercut/Dinga) SHE RIPPED RAD AND GRAPE TO PIECEs... first she bit into his bottom mouth and TORE IT OFF HIS FACE like a fucking FOAM FLOWER. I pierced that horses JUGULAR, WHY HE'S 8.098609698069069069 FEET UNDER HAD A FIST FIGHT WITH A DUCK- NOW I'M AN AMPUTEE-PUNCH IN THE THROAT. which way did it go, terrence. WHICH FUCKING WAY, YOU, HIM-HER...WHAT ARE YOU aND I will DENT the CAT aGAIN! Fiecrackers or not, ripping my FUCKING EYELIDS OFF SO BE IT, YOU- that clown is back, caydi IT'S BACK AND MY SWING- TWO FRIENDS WERE TORN UNDER AND MANGLED LIKE A FUCKING PIECE OF BACON BETWEEN MY RAGGED TEETH AT A HOT JUMPIN FLIPPIN SAYCRAT DIPPY DIPPY PARTY THAT KARYN HAD IN '94- JUMP AROUND SOUNDED LIKE FUCKING DINO- ! i CAN TEAR CASPER LIMB FROM LIMB- STOP TEARING ALL THE HAIR OFF OF THAT CAT I WONT I WONT I WONT- I'll bury this universe beneath my chin. FOTO SEX CAMEL- BUY HIM, WORSHIIIIP MESSIAH OF TRASH, NOELLLLE NOELLLE *Flaming purple gooose with stinky idea rolls away with one leg- savagely torn off it's body by Noelle TAZER HER TAZER she's dragged off in a muzzle and chains* GOOD RIDDANCE. NO RID. NO FREE RIDE GET THE FUCK AWAY ROM THE HEILCOPTERS YOU OLD BASTARDS- THE WOLF SHIRTS DECREE. BG CLUB. CLUB! AND I WAS LEGAL THERE. ....you tell ANYONE ABOUT THIS... -Look out your window. (DON'T you'll scare the foxes off... which sets off the owls who will NOT. STOP. SCREAMING) *Gets a firecracker to the throat*


Any way you want it.
Jesus says it's ok.



Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: Led Zeppelin-Misty Mountain Hop

(Leave a comment)

February 16th, 2005
07:48 pm


Maybe it thinks I'm a dog or something... I don't know.

This is for the people who have begged me for it.
But this isn't for me.
This is the brilliance of... joining stuff.
This is the color of Pee.
Byron is sort of MicMac, when he wants to be.
He's going to get free schooling and there's nothing I can do about it.
MAYBE... I can go to a college... and POSE as BYRON...
And maybe they'll let me in. I need to grow a moustache and then shave it.
Kirby smells like a pap smear.
Caydi's asshole is a brass orchestra.
Casper is, as someone put it once, "Fucked".
Seymoure screaming for love. Mcbean eating the food from my plate...
Joey sucking as usual. AS ALWAYS and FOREVER.

No. Don't even bother asking.

AND KAraoke Twist and shout.
Oh, the beez Neez, I suppose.
Ynyway, Yime Yo Yet Yo Yt.

(You're the bumble in my bee...wipe my ass.)

The hilarity of KELC/JOEC combined...

Me: I loved the bathroom.
Me: I don't know... I like mine too. But the bathroom has secrets.
The bathroom has been INTIMATE with everyone you love!!

Kelc: Hey, you look like a man... and I'm a heterosexual so that's hot.
Me: I guess in an odd, my chin is large and my hair is not long or short kind of way, I'm flattered/willing to eat a flapjack
Kelc: ahahaha I was just kidding... it's a pick up line.

Kelc: (Seen a ghost and took picture)

Me: ....*bawls moronically... cries a little... smells it a little... gags... tastes... gags...cries...hides....
dances with it in an assortment of dances that I won't list...
sychronized-swims with it... Attends a barmitzva with it...
uses the bathroom...it walks in by accident and it's awkward
and it leaves early and I go home and listen to Kenny G and
scream myself to sleep... it moves away... we trade numbers
that neither of us will ever use... and it ends.*

Me: LISTEN HERE, kelc- you have wildhoney
I am NOT willing to sacrifice the undying feelings I have for svud.
Svud- listen. I CAN make semi-good paper airplanes.
Besides- someone loving me back has never stopped me LOL
It's a little thing called ducktape and rohypnol.
Kelc: MICHELLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..............
..............GRRR. AGHH.
Svud??? remember when i made the svud appreciation thread??
i didn't know svud's name, age, or gender, but i still loved her.
QUOTE It´s not the same. She needs a woman.
SHHHHHHHH! I'm not supposed to know the SEX of SVUD!
LITTLEFOOT... music-smiley-019.gif
Kelc: I really enjoyed your spelling in that last post, wild.
Nice skin...can I try it on?
Me: HAHAHAHHA You're right. your cheating HEART! mat.gif
Um... aaaaaaaaanyway.
I'm willing to give a used Avon lip balm that should smell like
hot cocoa but it kind of smells like... moss.
AND this rag I use for my computer.
Kelc: ohhh i posted twice.
now i have to fill up this space with rice puddles....
Me: Svud... as someone I nEVER watch one said, resistance is futile.
Listen here. I have two sheets of (expired) coupons from assorted fast food restaurants,
and I am NOT afraid of splurging.
Kelc: hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa.........
i give up. you can have svud.
but i want you.
now THERE is a love triangle for you all.

8 O' CLOCK (nevermind that...its NOW)
MIKE TURUDO'S COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PARTY, BRO!...party?
*Hops in, wearing a snowsuit, sags down into the water*
little...little help, here...
Kelc: *dives in with my diving skillz....i totally got to the highest level in
swimming lessons at the YMCA!!.....and pulls you out....
performs the Heimlich and then realizes that was the wrong thing to do...................
....................... ...................... ..................... .....................*
Me: Alright. Who SH!T in the POOL.
Assholes... mad.gif
*attempts to get away from the renagade excretion*
*tosses wink at kelc... looks across pool... sees dinaosaur...
he winks...gets in the pool...takes off his pants...*
DINO:.... huh.gif :Why did I do that.
ME: Holy @#$%. It's talking.
Serendipty: That'c copyright infringement. Haul your ass, bastard.
Kelc: cool cannon balls.........throwing candy bar.....
cool.........teasing girls...........
and laughing.....out loud.....
...who's THAT guy?
...Why does his floaty look like a mouse.
people scrabbling to get to the top, screaming, hitting each other off,
bloodshed as they try to remain on the slippery bastard*
I writhe out, gasping, evading dinosaurs, bloody stumps, and poop*
*approached Kelc, panting*..."Hey... b!tching party!! 
Kelc: sputter sputter...........I'M SPUTTERING.
you make me laugh with every post, you know that/????
I'm choking........i'm choking on my own SPITE!
*places toes in the pool to test the temperature of the water.*
*Grabs it*
NEVER MIND DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ohmy.gif
No baby making in the pool EVER!
All dressed crispers are soggy on my bathing suit.
My dad screams about sh!t.
*My dad, sees my quivering poodle across the pool*
"I'll knock the SH!t OUT OF YOU!"
This is tattycake palooza!
*Goes ZOOMING off the edge in a wheelchair, tied in*
.....something tells me this was a mediocre idea.
Holy Gwakamoliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
We've got chips!
*Bats wings flap desperately in the water*
Oah, sh!t and peanut butter.
Chair with wheels that FLOATS.
"I understand... now... i'll wipe my genitals."
ohmy.gif Svud, control yourself! The pool is NOT a wastebasket.
Super Killer Cool Pool Party.
*Eats mumops unborn young*
Kelc: SVUD!!!!!!!!!! HO MY GOD>..........I LOVE THAT GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but don't eat too much before you swim, cuz you might get a cramp under your chin
hahah svud....don't get my pool dirty. I CLEANED IT YESTERDAY!
Me: Svud HATES me.
maybe because I've been hitting children, stealing wheelchairs
and drinking my own urine the majority....maybe...
Kelc: party over for now. its all JoeC's fault...
it's like i'm swimming in chunks of things now. its not fun anymore.  
Me: It is NOT. mad.gif
I was NOT involved in the poop, dinosaurs, OR inflatable dogs.
Only the wheelchair. which...I'm still convieniently strapped in. unsure.gif


I will... WILL!
There's no other nugget but Mc now.
As Dan Seals once said (Don't download it)
"Put on your bopping socks baby, roll up your old blue jeans.
There's a band playing down at the armories- I wanna ride in your 55 t-bird
I ain't after your body, something... bop! with you baby,
I wanna bop the night away- I wanna BE BOP!
This...ok...this guy is really, really in need of a few lawsuits.
But... BOP! SVUDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm in love... you're a longneck... and you're svud.
Teeth that sparkle and shiiiiiiiiine
It's raining (insertsvud'snamehere) hallelujah (I think)
can't think of a rap songggggggg, ummmmmmmm
I like Svud, hur Kula, move that... budha... huh.gif
(Never sign on to Murder Inc)
Svud walks wearily down the street with me (unknowingly) in tow
Svud's on the run and I've got the runs
and I'm waiting for the grande show-
are you ready, are you ready for Svud-
are you hanging on the edge of a cliff
Out of the (placethatSvudusuallyfestersand/ordwells) the
(nameofdinosaurthat'sinhericon) roars (thatsiftheyusedtoroar)
to the sounds of the (cleverwordthatrhymeswithcliff)
Something live Svud, should happen to meeeeee
Try saying it fast. Live Svud Live Svud livesvudlivesvudlivesvud...
a little sexual frustration...
We'll go to MACDONALDS!
It's a place to rock. It is a restaurant where they buy food to eat.
it's a good place to listen to the music.
People flock there to get down to the rock music.
Two stinky winky.
Good afternoon. I'm... me. Sitting here in my... chair.
Eating... nothing.
This song is the greastest song ever... and if you don't believe me, I don't care.
(OH I'M SUCH A @#$#%)
Gonna find my (randomsvudplughere) gonna grab some afternooon delight...
my motto's always been when it's right,
it's right- while waiting for the middle of a cold dark not-
whennnnnnnn everything's a little clearer in the light of daaaaaaay,
and you know the night is always gonna be there anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyy
thinking of us working up my appetite, looking forward to a little afternoon delight
Rubbing sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite
and the thought of loving you (SVUD) is getting so exciting sKYYYYYYYY
ok what is this song even ABOUT?
DON'T. ohmy.gif Let me know.
Whatever just happened.
We can beat E.T up over it.
Stop laughing.
I don't kid about that sort of thing.
Not E.T.
Oh yeah. Call me.

Svud: ahahahahahahahahahaa
how could i not love you?
Kelc: flip....
once i get home from my old lady exercise class i am
but goodbye for now.Me: LOL... you don't have to flatter me into it. wink.gif
Kelx, I'm ready. I'll be waiting with the metaphorical H-bomb.
Boom Boom Boom.
Well there's only 1 boom.
But it's... really big.
And it has a pointy stick sometimes.
Alright now i'm getting in over my head here.
Kelc: Fine, have her.
I give up(for real this time).
But Svud, just remember that I love you forever.
I will miss you.
Me: Pauly Shore is Dead.

Me: rolleyes.gif ...Losers.
Kelc: I caught you a delicious bass.
Etoh etoh etoh etoh etoh etoh etoh etoh etoh etoh.
oh no...I'm all alone in the sex chat....
etoh etoh etoh etoh etoh etoh etoh etoh etoh etoh etoh etoh etoh etoh etoh.
They call me rainbow.......because I reflect light in water.........
why did i just say that to you..........
This can be the beginning of a trend for MANY men and women alike.
I'll whip this party up faster than Joey Fatone can make babies in Italy.
...that's not fast at ALL.
I ate beads on a cake expecting them to be candies.
Well guess what. They weren't. They were BEADS.

AND NOW.... AFTER THAT HEAP of Corned beef...
The brilliance of my sister YAYNUS.
Jimminy Legs...and meatballs.
I don't even need to post quotes.
Just look at the fucking....

Email titles from Yaynus:

-Can't you get those JOWELS reduced?
-eyyyyyyyyy, fonzi
-Smells like bigfoots dick
-fuckin' tatty cakes up there...
-let me see you 1-2 step... wait, I mean 1 step... you've only got 1 leg...
-les hod dog...
-a little something for the peasants...
-Poop mouth, poop mouth...
-I love Les Adams
-Yimmy here...
-Pus Tawk
tha Y tha I tha B tha B tha A tha T its YIBBBBBAT HOLLLD up
-Throwin' money like Scrooge Mcduck
-Funny, now i'm dating Scrooge McDuck...
-pass the Polysporin... I have a burn.
-The anger sharks are swimming
-I wanna be a cowboyyyyys sweethearrrrrrttt...
-You're a real poop mouth Mr. Burgundy!
-Boy george + Casket, = BFFL
-Goose Rape.
-Gammy Num Nums.
-Doin' the reach around...
-Bilbo Baggins reach around,
-Give the dragon the reach around...
-Uh Uh OHHHHHH- the ducky tuff (to NKOTB The right stuff... I thought
She was just screaming)
-smack my bitch up
-fuckin panty waste, fuckin come off in the wash...
What's so saucy about sirloin?
-My timbit looks like a ballsac.
-Pus Sacksetball
-Lets try this diggity again...
-Kirb is the shittiest pet ever in life.
-Brandy... dog chow.
-Pissyfurs' Lament.
-Your crotch smells like the wharf down in Sop's arm.
-Jesus doesn't get late fees at Allan's.
-Michelle+Buck O Hare+Kenny Maher+Emmanuelle Lewis=Soul Mates
-I want to fuck the koolaid guy.

And now, because this fucking world can't take anymore torture than this,
I bring this festering, fresh, dripping sack...(Dead mama's poose)
Of quotes. NO cat fetus sandwiches.

Hot Date, Hot Steak, Hot Lovin.

“Gwen Stefani’s Rich girl? Billy Ballard can do better than that!”

 “You dented the cat!”

 “What IS that?!” *Ugly caged bear looking desperate*
 “Don’t look directly into it!”
*Looks directly into it*


My mind is so far in the gutter, I need a crane to sky lift it out of there.
I'm like, the ORIGINAL pervert.

If you could get a pervert action figure, it would be me.
Whale shirt and all.


J-Lo had a moustache. There. I couldn’t hold it in anymore.


“I live in a posh town like you.”
(I die laughing.)

“I was looking in my received files and saw the Eric Clapton song you sent,
I opened it to get a taste…FUCKIN PROZZAK.”
“ahahahaha, ROPED IN FOR ROUND 2!”


“What, the Paris Hilton sex video?”
 “No. That’s just a skeleton wrestling with Orlando Bloom.”


This computer is like trying to find Waldo in a septic tank.


Caspers mouth is parted and I don't like it.
When cats do something and then they look stupid because they part their mouth.

Well she's doing it.
alright she stopped..

My life can go back in rotation now.

"If were a male, I’d have an enormous erection right now."


Dan seals looks like he breathes too loud.


That fat guy hit my head because he came down the water
slide too soon after I'd worked up the courage to go...
I hated it from them on. I hated it. Pulling soggy crickets
and pubic hairs off my back. FUCK.


You dung-breathed scraps of undergarments! Your mother was a hamster!




Gammy Num Nums?


“That’s Picky Dangly Bits and old Crusty Dirt Squirter.”


Cried when someone died: Oh no, I thought it was quite the hoot... Jesus!


“So what are you doing after school!”
 “I’ll be at Mary Brown’s- that’s where I work!”


“You know Les Adams, plays the accordion down at the church?”
 “Did you just say he had a black eye?”


“Byron isn’t Indian tradition! He doesn’t go to fuckin pow wows!”


STOP belittling/patronizing/judging me! *limps off to bedroom*


Shut up. Don't you realize I have a clubfoot? For clubbing?
As in, hitting people and going to clubs? And when I dance the club flys
around like a stray accordion from a fake rock group. So what the fuck out.
People get knocked out faster than from a peaceful toot from Gummy.


Stop parking your toutons all over town. Whore. You are disgusting.
I should punch you. (But not in the presence of your boyfriend
who may or may not end my life).


Celine Dion: womb raider

A maternity ward- all you can eat buffet!

Delicious youth!

Celine Dion catering can turn you're baby shower into a real treat! ..
Well, your baby at least


“Who were you talking about?”
Steve: *spits* “YOU.”

Me: “Oh.” *Carelessly tosses chip at Steve, pelts him between the eyes*


How the fuck did Dagwood get such a tap-easy piece of ass like Blondie.


The Kawasaki is a heap of shit. It’s ’78, for God’s sakes!
Yeah, too bad the bears borrowed it for a joy ride…


Aura of pop’s one yellow tooth.


…half a tooth

Now I can’t eat.


Current Mood: chipperchipper
Current Music: YAYLOH- Goose Rape

(2 comments | Leave a comment)

[<< Previous 10 entries]

Powered by LiveJournal.com